MISSING
Last known photograph
HAVE YOU SEEN THIS BROWNIE?
Official Statement
We are a support group for people who have lost something irreplaceable: the Cauliflower Mocha Brownie.
We did not see this coming. We trusted the seasonal menu. We trusted the process. And then, sometime between the Winter menu and the Summer menu, without a press release, without a moment of silence, without so much as a goodbye — it was gone.
This is not a complaint. This is a movement.
We are not angry that a chain restaurant updates its menu. We are angry that they did it to this dessert. The one dessert that made cauliflower cool. The one dessert that let us order chocolate cake and call it a vegetable. That's not indulgence, that's diplomacy.
So we are gathering. We are signing. We are telling Honest Greens, calmly, deliberately, and with slightly too much emotion for a baked good: bring it back.
— Honest Greens Anonymous
The Twelve Steps of Honest Greens Anonymous
- We admitted we were powerless over the brownie's disappearance — and that our snack schedules had become unmanageable.
- We came to believe that a chain restaurant could restore what was lost, if enough of us asked nicely, in writing.
- We made a decision to turn our grief into a petition.
- We made a searching inventory of every Honest Greens location, just in case one of them "forgot" to update the menu.
- We admitted to the barista, to ourselves, and to the group, the exact number of times we've asked "do you still have the brownie" this month.
- We were entirely ready to remove all lesser desserts from our order.
- We humbly asked the kitchen, again.
- We made a list of everyone we've dragged to Honest Greens specifically for this brownie, and became willing to make it up to them.
- We made direct amends by starting this petition instead of just complaining in the group chat.
- We continued to check the app menu, and when the brownie was still missing, promptly signed again.
- We sought, through protest signs and a mildly aggressive font choice, to improve our conscious contact with the culinary decision-makers at Honest Greens.
- Having had a dessert awakening, we carried this message to other brownie-havers, and signed our name below.
Add Your Name
Every signature is visible to everyone who opens this page — that's the point.